#I hope he goes home instead of nyc or at least on a vacation of some sort

[kalibabysworld]

I'd bet a lot of money that at least 50% of the reason Charly smashed his racquet today is because he's still carrying over frustration and anger (and disappointment) from the loss in Paris. That wasn't even two weeks ago and he himself admitted that that loss hurt more than most.

[recentanimenews]

FEATURE: The 4 Biggest Differences Between Raising Pokémon And Digimon As Pets

  This article written by Daniel Dockery was originally published on August 2, 2019

  Sometimes, visiting your childhood home can be like an archaeological excavation. You sift through the eras of your life, some embarrassing (Why did I own so many tropical print shirts? Why did I spend middle school dressed like a sixty-five-year-old dude vacationing in Beaufort, South Carolina?), and some baffling (What was I planning to do with all of those commemorative state quarters?). But sometimes, you find things that you immediately want to take back to the present with you. In my case, it was all of the little Pokémon stuff that I amassed as a kid: The KFC stuffed toys from the commercial that revealed that Colonel Sanders chose the Blue version ...

    ... The many trading cards, the "How To Draw Pokémon" book from the book fair that I'd trace over and then tell all of my one friends that I drew it on my own, the falling apart Pokémon Red/Blue Prima strategy guide where the writer revealed in the first paragraph that Pokémon was consuming his life in a way that he never thought possible ...

  ... And the Pikachu, Charmander, and Meowth electronic toys that I got for Christmas one year, the first two saying their names and the last one speaking Japanese, which baffled me as a kid because I didn't know what anime was. But most importantly, I found the Pokémon Pikachu Virtual Pet, a little yellow device that's shaped to look like a Game Boy. And inside of it is a Pikachu that you can walk with and give gifts to. And after a quick battery replacement, I found that it still worked. 

  It was fate. Because, later this year, I also discovered the twentieth-anniversary release of the Digimon Digivice Virtual Pets in a Gamestop. So, because I'd only ever raised Digimon in the video games and am terrible with money, I bought one. And now I have two tiny monsters that I can take care of. Why hang out with other people when I've got all the companionship I need right here:

    But I soon learned that there is a BIG difference between raising Pokémon and raising Digimon. For example ...

  YOU DON'T WANT TO MAKE PIKACHU MAD

    Back in its early days, you could count on one thing with Pokémon: Pikachu HATES you. Sure, eventually you'll earn its respect through battling or risking your life for it, but at the beginning of the anime and in the Pokémon Yellow game, Pikachu begins its journey hoping that maybe you'll just release it or get lost and starve to death in Viridian Forest. That's one of the reasons why Pokémon: Let's Go was such an odd experience sometimes: Pikachu just unconditionally and immediately accepts you as soon as it meets you. It's the only time you'll ever hear me complain about "kids these days" having it too easy. Ugh, Generation Z with their TikTok and their memes and their Pokémon that LIKE them. 

  Luckily for me, I got the Pikachu of the late '90s in my virtual pet. Unluckily for me, Pikachu was very aware that I had not played with it since the Clinton Administration, and it was pissed. See, the Pokémon Pikachu also doubles as a pedometer which counts your steps. So while everyone else is wearing their FitBit, I'm rocking a Pikachu that absolutely can't stand me on my hip. But the more you step, the more points you can acquire. And you give those points to Pikachu as gifts, and Pikachu will do a little dance and grow more pleased with you. As it turns out, though, no matter how many points I amass on the treadmill, it probably won't make up for the two decades that my Pikachu spent in a desk drawer.

  Currently, it's got its back to me, which means that at least it's on the screen (It can actually leave you, forcing you to restart or hide from you). Meanwhile, my Agumon in the Digivice is much less fickle. It's pretty content as long as I feed it and train it and make sure that its battles don't kill it. Oh, and it likes it a lot when you pick up its poop. And it should, because ...

  DIGIMON ARE ALWAYS POOPING

    A common feature of virtual pets is that you have to clean their droppings. It provides a cool life lesson for kids, teaching them to not take dumps on the floor all the time. But I did not know that Agumon, my sweet, simple lizard bro, would just crap, like, so much, y'all. I mean, all it eats is meat on the bone and protein vitamins, so it's not like it's getting too much fiber in its diet. It's pretty keto. But every time I switch it on to see if it's okay or has evolved, it's been pushed to the side of the little screen because its own habitat just can't handle how much it's pooping. 

  Meanwhile, Pikachu doesn't really go to the bathroom. It does have a bathroom though, as after it eats dinner and before it goes to bed (there's cute little animations for each), it brushes its teeth. So unless it's like one of those tiny NYC studio apartments where the landlord's like "Ya got a bed and a sink, so good luck with your butt," Pikachu does own a toilet. 

  So that's nice to note: Pokémon will clean up their business after they're done. Digimon will look to you and say "I have pooped four times. The walls are closing in. Help me, father." 

  PIKACHU IS WAY MORE STUBBORN WITH SCHEDULING

    Pikachu has a bit of a Type A personality — it likes its routine. Usually, in the middle of the day, if you shake the device, Pikachu will come marching in or sometimes ride a little scooter onto the screen. But if Pikachu is doing something, like eating or sleeping, shaking the device actually makes Pikachu less friendly toward you. You have to wait for Pikachu to finish its food before it even considers going on a walk with you. 

  Meanwhile, if you're like "Go back to bed, Agumon, you've been awake for four seconds," Agumon will do it. If you want to wake Agumon up to train for battle a dozen times, it's ready at all hours of the day. In fact, one of the only things that a Digimon isn't up for is that it won't eat anymore after it's full. After you've filled it with mutton and pills, it shakes its head "No," at which point you probably switch over to training with it for another hour.

  DIGIMON HAS A TON OF HIDDEN INTRICACIES

    One of my favorite things about Digimon games is their intricate approach to evolution. Sure, you could digivolve Dogmon now into BigDogmon. But, if you raise the friendship stat a bit, and level up some more, you could digivolve Dogmon into BigDogWithCannonsmon. I think it's awesome, and it carries over to the virtual pets.

  However, because they're virtual pets and showing more than three letters on the screen at one time would cause the device to explode, you don't get a lot of explanation as to how to do it. Like, my current Agumon could evolve into the classic Greymon, or, according to the Digimon wiki, one of six other monsters. So I could get a Seadramon, but because I haven't been taking notes, I will never know how.

  Meanwhile, Pikachu is perfectly content with being Pikachu and with being flippant with you. You'll never have to worry about finding a Thunder Stone or learning that it's been replaced with a Koffing or something. Instead, all you have to worry about is your best friend suddenly starting to hate you out of nowhere.

  And that's ... better?

  Did you ever own either of these virtual pets? Let us know in the comments!

      Daniel Dockery is a writer and editor for Crunchyroll. You should follow him on Twitter!

By: Guest Author

[migleefulmoments]

CrissColfer Strategy #2

This piece was posted on 2/19/20 but it is originally from 2018 prior to LM/DC. It’s always amusing to read their theories about big upcoming changes in Darren’s love life in light of the fact that Mia has been a steady force in Darren’s life for 10 years.

Here they are debating whether Lea will be Darren’s new beard- a theory that required them to ignore both Mia and Zandy. In this post we see justcantgetenoughcc using the “trust me I know more than you do but I can’t share it” strategy. Honestly, this is the one that baffles me the most. While I can see the slow-motion gifs for what they are- pure manipulation, I know that TLOS isn’t the Klaine bible they want it to be and I can understand how other’s can be conned with that evidence. What I can’t understand is why anyone would trust someone who continues to say “I know more than you do but I can’t share it with you...just trust me”.  Those very words are literally the exact words that should raise one’s caution flag. Mommas, the one thing you should teach your children is to never trust someone who claims to know the truth but can’t share any evidence. Especially if that story goes on for 5 or 10 years.

***********************************

ilikesomedistance There was a discussion many years ago, that they (PR and F/ox) wanted to bring Lea and Darren together. But it never worked out for many reasons.

Guess it’s happening now.

stopandimaginelove  But whyyyyyyyyyyyyy 🤐

justcantgetenoughcc Interesting question.

The primary reason was always to break Chris and Darren up.

RM/Ricky all playing together. AB imo not that invested but to a degree (at least initially). Even beard (she realized what she can have by getting rid of Chris and why she too is very much part of the game now). Each had their own reason for being invested, as Chris and Darren in love and united as a team, made it difficult to manipulate Darren. In a way, that - Darren and Chris in love - was also their Achilles heel. Each put the other ones’ interest first - and got manipulated in giving up their autonomy. Chris had nothing to hide as he was already out. Why would he even need a beard? They were so young and so naïve to Hollywood’s manipulation tactics. I don’t think they had anyone with industry experience, with their interests at heart, to advise them or look out for them. It was too late and they were in too deep, by the time they realized what they had agreed to. They still tried to back out of some of their worst mistakes. Some day… they will tell those stories or it will turn up in Chris’s books.

Initially people assumed that all that proximity and playing boyfriends onscreen - and no doubt their amazing chemistry - must be why they were together. I am sure they thought it will never last or they will get over it or get tired of it and move on to others once the itch was scratched. Like most young guys (as young gay guys - not my opinion at all - but a lot of people believe that).

But it didn’t happen that way. They didn’t break up. Instead they went and got engaged over Dec 2012/NYE 2013 (that was from when we have the pic of Chris looking at his ring standing next to his suitcase at an airport). They were serious from the get-go. They were ‘IT’ for each other.  They were even living together (even before Glee Live 2011 - in Chris’s first rented apartment in LA). I think it was Joey who once commented that he saw Darren only when he needed more clothes (Don’t quote me on it though. Ha). When Chris bought his first home in Laurel Canyon, guess who moved in there with him? It wasn’t W as most of the fandom was led to believe. There’s enough proof in their own words and since this is going to be a long post, I am going to leave some of those details out of this. And some I can’t reveal.

Why do you think LU Tour happened? It was another attempt to break them up and also to get Darren to declare his longtime gf of a hundred years. There was no way Darren would agree to it when Chris and Darren are together. And so his team came up with the clever “DIVIDE and CONQUER” tactic. Get Darren away from Chris and break him down.

Nothing ELSE came out of LU tour and so I am right in my assumption here.

A Darren who missed Chris on the road, who was mentally and physically exhausted from his days on the tour… gave in… WITH TEARS… a heartbroken Darren was FORCED to declare a gf - reading from a script, answering questions from a script, at the Toronto Radio Interview - WHILE he was already ENGAGED to CHRIS.  There are many ways I can cement the claims I am making. But they are NOT mine to share.

If you doubt me, that the intent ALWAYS was to break them up (come on guys! connect the dots!), so much has been exposed in the last two years, especially in the last six months.

Why were they forced to have beards? It wasn’t FOX (in fact there's a story not known to many that FOX was going to let Chris and Darren come out (heck they even knew of their engagement - again stories that I cannot reveal) but others disagreed/disapproved of that move and stopped it). Some of the old fandom crowd know of this. Why were their beards ALONE always allowed access to the glee set? Why were M and W paraded so much on the sets? Why was the beard woman given a job at FSO (where she did nothing really but was given free credit for work others did). Chris was already OUT. He was a grown up guy who always took care of himself even when he was much younger.

During 5.14 filming in NYC, it was clear that the film crew took care of Chris and Darren. All their needs on the set was met along with the rest of the cast present (Amber, Chord, Kevin, Lea and Darren). Even holding up their winter coats for them to slip their arms through. W didn’t do anything other than obstruct the filming (and there were a lot of complaints about W and he had to be told many times to move out of the crews way). Do you think Chris paid for W to accompany him to NYC where he wasn’t needed at all? Who had the most to gain from that decision to have W there?

The beards were ALWAYS meant to WEAR THE GUYS DOWN. To create discord between them. To grate on their nerves. To be a thorn in their side. You get the drift.  It still didn’t work. Those two guys still stayed strong.  

Yes, there was an attempt to END KLAINE early in S6 and use Darren/Blaine as Lea/Rachel’s LI and have them be the prime couple who got married to each other (instead of a Finchel wedding that RM always talked about) at the SERIES Finale. That didn’t work either. That story is known to many in the fandom. But is not mine to tell.

Look at all the attempts made to prevent Darren and Chris coming out. Since 2015.

I have repeated this so many times since 2015 and am going to repeat it ONE LAST TIME for the people who have joined the fandom since 2015.

Glee was filming the last season. Beards were barely on the set even with all the heavy make-out scenes (heavier Kliss scenes, emotional scenes, the elevator scene, the wedding, future Klaine etc). Guess everyone felt bearding was ending too as Glee only had a few more months left. We got the NOW FAMOUS BTS interview from the ranch - the day the Klaine wedding was being filmed - where Chris and Darren were interviewed by Leanne Aguilera (and not M). Where they admitted so much and looked radiant and vibrant. Best of all they admitted to being good friends in real life.

Then we got the Ellen Show where Darren and Chris interacted and wrote each others names (not to mention the incident where Chord slipped up and mentioned meeting Chris and Darren. Nothing dramatic happened by way of reaction or retaliation from PR).  Then came the Paleyfest and the Mario Lopez radio Interview - where Chris was present with Darren and Mario in the recording room. We counted Chris’s laughter interspersed  - at least five times. It wasn’t edited out. We rioted over all of those events repeatedly. It was like the CC drought was finally over. They were allowed to breathe free. And acknowledge each other. Say they were good friends with each other.

[We have proof on several claims I make here and are known to a lot of people but we can’t share them yet].

We knew they went on a European vacation that ended in Paris where Darren had to attend the CON with a few other Glee cast. Darren alone didn’t stay at the hotel where the CON was held, where the rest of the cast stayed. Ask yourself why. Darren returns to NYC and starts rehearsing for Hedwig Broadway that starts mid-April. Everyone was happy and there were several SM follows of both Darren and Chris back to back by Hedwig Crew and BTS crowd. Lot of happy tweets and fun stuff.

It felt like Darren had a few more months left to freedom. Chris plans his TLOS4 book tour around Darren’s closing show at Belasco - so that he can sit in the audience and not watch from the shadows as he did during the first 119 days of the run. Alla Plotkin, Chris’s publicist, allowed it and supported it (if there were any known contracts or clauses that prohibited Chris’s presence at the closing show, Alla wouldn’t have /couldn’t have allowed it) and planned the whole tour accordingly with Chris.  

So close to freedom and to coming out… and then out of the blue, Darren’s perfectly written Broadway BIO was edited to a mess of a BIO and  ‘xos to mia’ was included. Overnight Darren’s personal life got hijacked by a scheming woman and Darren’s manager. Eleni who was a longtime good friend of Jeff Jernigan, was appointed as Darren’s assistant (watchdog) at Belasco. Darren who hadn’t even seen or heard from the beard for many months, and Darren who had never displayed any real closeness to the woman - posts a dressing room kiss (long story about that too. (Read mleigh69’s post on how the Belasco kiss was staged).

From there on, everything went to hell in a hand basket. All their hopes and plans were dashed.

From that time to the present, how closely Darren is monitored and watched and babysat…is ridiculous. Darren has more people on his secret service detail,  sometimes more than even the President himself (it feels like). He sang 4 songs in Utah recently and he had Ricky, AB, Jeff Jernigan, Eleni, beard and Ken Sunshine (the boss of Sunshine Sachs) with him in Utah.

All their attempts to coming out was thwarted. Chris wasn’t allowed to attend the Hedwig closing show even though he had timed it to end the day before, giving him time enough to fly to NYC from LA. Chris who had never made a career misstep, chose to put his reputation as a children’s book author on the line by acting drunk - just so he could get on a plane to NYC. He had to watch the closing show from the shadows but am sure that was preferable to being beaten or giving in to two conniving people.

Even the ENCAGE was partially to stop CrissColfer from coming out. See what the encage did. All of Darren’s commitments and obligations were OVER AND DONE with by then… except for the NOOSE called the encage now. That was pretty timely, wasn’t it?

Why is Darren going on a tour with Lea Michele when Lea’s album was poorly received and didn’t do well at all? All her shows failed. She really has nothing much going on.  Hmmmm…

If am guessing, let me be wrong for one last time… WHAT IF IT IS TO KEEP CHRIS AND DARREN APART? As all their attempts and excuses to prevent Chris and Darren FROM COMING OUT ARE EXHAUSTED?

So now there are tours and MORE TOURS… where Darren's TEAM THINKS he has to remain NO HOMO for the tours to sell. They quickly got him committed to a LONDON concert while ACS was still airing.

Now ACS is over.

And sure enough, just as the ENCAGE IS COMING APART AT THE SEAMS… we have THE LM/DC TOUR!!!!

tahtah678

[fanfic-scribbles]

Safe As Houses

Fandom: MCU Captain America/Avengers

Summary: You provide a safe haven for Steve when he needs it most– in more than one way.

Quick facts: Romance – Steve Rogers/Reader – Nondescript Reader

Warnings: Fluff, some pining, Reader doesn’t live in NYC

Words: 4640

A/N: I’ve been sitting on this for a bit, unsure of whether I wanted to post it or not, but I’m going for it =] Based on a weird snippet of a dream I had, this thing was going to be long and involved but it just didn’t…have enough to it to make it a multi-chapter thing, so I decided to pare it down and apparently this is where it made the most sense to me. It is pretty much Steve/Reader wanting each other and beating around the bush until…well, it’s fluff, so you know how this goes. I also think it’s easy to tell that I love that tank top he wears in CA:TWS a liiiiiiittle too much. I failed at trying to use the gif search to find it though, so you’ll have to use your imagination u-u. Anyways; please enjoy.

“Why is this one more expensive…” you mutter to yourself and study both cans. All those years of ‘spot the difference’ have to count for something, but grocery shopping still remains a challenge, somehow. In more ways than one, as someone hovers behind you. You scoot to the side but they follow you, big and looming. Who the hell creeps at a grocery store? You turn, hoping a flat ‘fuck off’ stare will do the trick, but what you find is a shockingly familiar face.

“Steve?!” you hiss. It’s not the nicest welcome for him maybe, but it isn’t like it’s easy for him to just drop in.

“Shh,” he says and tucks his hat lower. He glances around. “I’m sorry to do this but I need help. Can I lie low at your place?”

Without giving it even a second thought you pull out your keys and take off the one for your house. He practically seeps relief when he slouches and you can see a flash of a cut by his ear. “Thanks,” he says and hugs you carefully. Fear wells up in you. Who (or what) hurt him? Why is he here instead of hunkering down with his team? This isn’t the place to ask, though, and any impulse to try fades when he aims a smile at you. “By the way, I missed you.”

You smile at your customary greeting. Long-distance friendships with a superhero aren’t any easier than ones with normal people, but you wouldn’t trade this for anything. Not anything. “Likewise,” you say softly and touch his cheek. “Go to my place and relax; I can get in through the garage. I’ll be done here soon.”

He nods, hesitates, and then leaves. You watch him go before you dump the cheaper can in your cart and then grab several more. At least he’s stopped in before you’ve finished your shopping– you’re definitely going to need a lot more food.

When you get home it’s dark inside from all the drawn blinds and completely silent. Steve would tell you if there was danger inside your house, right? This is just him being paranoid. …You hope.  “Home at last,” you say, just a little above normal volume, and start putting away groceries like everything is normal.

Until you turn and run into a body. You barely clamp down on a yell. “What the– f– Steve!” you hiss.

“Relax; there’s no listening devices. I checked,” he says.

“Then don’t sneak up on me!” You smack his chest. “Also, thanks for the new nightmares about something I’ve literally never thought about before.”

He has the good sense to at least look apologetic. “Sorry,” he says. He shifts his weight to his other foot and clears his throat. “Do you need help?”

“I got this.” Even in the dim, mostly blocked daylight you can see the dirt in patches on his skin and clothing, a recently healed cut on his neck, and eyes that sag. “Why don’t you go take a shower? Once we’re both done you can tell me what’s going on.”

He looks like he’s going to argue, but then he actually says, “Okay.”

“No arguments? Shit; you must really need to sleep,” you say and wipe off a smudge on his cheekbone.

“Don’t push it,” he says with a slight smile and grabs your hand. He doesn’t push you away though; his fingers lightly curl around your hand and you can feel his warmth seeping in. Even in the parts of your skin he isn’t touching.

You don’t know what to do, and Steve freezes too. You both unhook then; jerking like puppets whose masters don’t understand movement, until he rushes upstairs (shockingly quiet) and you go back to the mindless task of putting groceries away. You stop for a moment in the middle to start making a couple of frozen pizzas– if Steve didn’t stop to shower you doubt he stopped to eat.

Steve’s and your friendship is…unconventional. Mostly because of who he is, but also partly because you don’t make a habit out of befriending random people while on vacation. But Steve is special. A chance encounter at a museum turned into lunch, which turned into going to a few spots he recommended, which turned into spending the rest of your week in New York together, switching between playing tourist and acting local.

That, in turn, has become a long-distance friendship that is one of the most solid relationships you’ve ever had. It’s also…occasionally…flirty. You think. Okay, you’re pretty sure, actually, it’s just– what if you’re wrong? And how could it even work, in the best case scenario of returned feelings, when you live a life here and he has a life there? Ultimately you’re happy with what you have, so you try not to think about what could– or could not– be.

Except those thoughts are hard to ignore when Steve is here. In your house. In your shower.

The oven timer goes off and saves you from having to jump into a cold shower of your own. Steve makes his appearance just a minute or so later, when you’re taking a few slices onto your plate.

“Help yourself,” you say, trying to avoid looking at him directly. You steal a little glance at him and as nice as he probably looks with damp hair and dewy skin, you can’t help but slide right over those to focus on the ridges of cuts healing fast and purple blossoms that seem to be fading before your eyes. But they’re still there, and without thinking you touch a yellow spot on his collarbone. A combination of how soft that spot is and him flinching makes you gasp and jerk back.

“I’m so sorry, I– holy shit; is it broken?!” you ask, dumbfounded. Logically, yeah, Steve has to get hurt sometimes, but he always seems so sturdy. Almost unbreakable.

Except now, exhausted to the point of wild eyes trying to stay open and covered in cuts and bruises. “It’s fine; it’s healing.”

“Steve,” you say, and he pulls you into a hug. You avoid that side of his chest (how he’s walking and talking without curling into a pain-crying ball is beyond you) and hug him gently. His clothes smell like smoke and musk and it mingles with the scent of your soap and shampoo. You stay in that moment as he whispers, “I’m fine.”

It’s a terrible lie, but he’s not going to admit otherwise. His stomach rumbles and causes a little break in the tension. Enough for you to pull back and say, “And hungry, apparently.”

He smiles at you, and you sigh. “Fine; I’ll wait until you're done eating for the explanation.”

You don’t have to wait long. He scarfs down the food so fast that he finishes even before you do. He looks a lot better for it though; he doesn’t look as pale and the injuries are just about gone.

“See?” He grabs your hand and puts it to his collarbone– now back in one solid piece. “I’m fine.”

You’re a little distracted with feeling over his skin, but you still roll your eyes. “Just because you heal doesn’t negate that you were hurt in the first place.” Reluctantly, you take your hand back. “So: what the hell is going on?”

Steve’s expression loses any lightness it had and becomes a straight face befitting a troubled captain. “I’m still not quite sure,” he says and crosses his arms as he leans back in his seat. His eyes go down, but his mind obviously travels elsewhere. “Short version: Bucky, Sam, Tony, Bruce, Natasha, Clint, and even Thor are missing.”

“Missing?” How do the Avengers– especially already-(in)famous billionaire Tony Stark– go missing?

“I don’t know who, how, or why,” Steve says, aiming his frown at the table. “Pepper put Stark’s tower on lockdown– I think Darcy, Jane, and Dr. Selvig are there as well. They sent me an SOS letting me know that Tony and Bruce and Thor were missing and I tried to go looking for them and the others. Clint and Natasha could have gone underground, but I feel like I would have heard from them in some way by now, and Sam and Bucky are definitely missing.”

“And nobody’s gloating about it?”

“That’s actually what concerns me the most,” Steve says and looks up at you. “If just capturing us was their only goal, whoever it is would have come forward. But they haven’t. They’re still trying to catch me in secret.”

“Because whatever they want the Avengers for they need the full set?” you guess.

“I can only hope,” he says and runs his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry I dropped in like this, it’s just– I’ve kept our friendship to myself. No one knows about you, and this is the only place I could think of where I knew I would be safe.”

You puff up a little at that. Steve hasn’t even been to your house before but he feels safe here– which means, for some reason, he feels safe with you.

“I won't stay here long,” he says and before you can protest, adds, “No. Thank you, but I can’t put you in danger too.”

You hesitate. You want to insist that he can stay as long as he wants, but finding his friends is a time-sensitive thing and you don’t want to seem callous. “Whatever you need, Steve.”

His smile is warm but worn, and for a moment you can see his weariness– his fear. You get up and go next to him, and wrap your arms around his head and shoulders. “It’s going to be all right. Your friends are all smart and can keep themselves safe until you find them. And you will find them. Without getting captured yourself.”

Steve chuckles. He holds onto you, arms around your waist, for several seconds before he releases you. “How did you know that was the back-up plan?”

“It’s the dumbest thing I could think of, so of course you have it as a plan.” You squeeze his shoulders. “Steve…”

“Don’t worry; that’s an absolute last resort,” he says and stands. He wobbles but rights himself. “I have other leads, other ideas.”

“Okay. But Steve?” you say and he frowns like he knows what’s coming. You rush through it. “I know you're worried and I know you have to get to work but you're not going to save anyone if you pass out, and you are one strong breeze from toppling over. You’re all your friends have, so can you please at least take a nap?”

He seems to consider that. You know he knows you’re right, but it’s still a relief when he sighs and says, “Just a nap.”

“I’ll take care of this.” You shoo him away from the plates. “Go take my bed; the guest room isn’t set up.”

“Don’t you need a nap too?”

Steve’s joke makes you stop cold, (or, um, hot), but you crack a smile. “If you want to get me into bed, you’re going to have to do better than that.” It’s a straight lie– sometimes your fantasies are as pathetically simple as sharing a bed and being able to wrap around him like an octopus– but you want to play along. You actually make him blush, and as he runs away with a mumbled goodbye, you allow yourself to watch him go with unrepentant longing.

If only he wasn’t joking.

“Are you sure about this?”

Steve sighs and slams the trunk so hard you’re surprised it doesn’t break. The little old beater he’s ‘borrowing’ must be sturdier than it looks. When he turns to face you, you look down, already anticipating the exasperation. “Sorry,” you say.

“No, it’s…it’s fine.” He places his hands on your shoulders and you look up into weary eyes. “Trust me, I understand. I’m worried too. So just know that…that I’m the only hope my friends have, so I have to be careful.”

You put your hands on top of his. You want to reassure him that they’re all strong and capable but it’s just lip service, and he knows them better than you do. So while he likely knows that, knowing and believing are two different things. “Hey Steve…I know you don’t want to ‘drag’ me into it, but you can crash here whenever you need to.”

He smiles. “I’ll keep it in mind,” he says like a promise, hugs you tight, and takes off.

You spend the rest of the day using your nervous energy to make up the guest room and clean the house. Just in case.

“Hey.”

You almost drop your bowl and you whirl around. “Steve!” you say and dump the bowl in the sink so you can hug him. You’re mindful of your wet and soapy hands– though you doubt his dirty uniform top would mind it. He hugs you back and you are definitely going to need a shower now, but you don’t mind. Especially when he exhales like he’s deflating and leans on you. He’s surprisingly heavy, but you don’t bend against the weight.

…Much.

He lets out a weak huff that you think is supposed to be a laugh. “About that offer to ‘crash here whenever I need to…’”

You pat his back and (reluctantly) separate. “The guest room is all set up. You’re stuck with my soap and shampoo though.”

“I don’t mind that,” he says with a sly smile. Quickly, though, it disappears. “Um, sorry. Can I use your laundry?”

“Sure. Secret agent man you are, you probably know where it is.” His smile answers in the affirmative. “Good. Do you need me to do anything?”

“No, but thanks,” he says and, while he doesn’t run, he certainly walks with purpose.

And quite a bit of focus, apparently. You’ve just finished the dishes when he comes back, clean and changed. You never expected shower-damp Steve to be such a constant threat in your life and now that he is you’re not sure if you should curse it or praise it. Maybe both.

“Can I have these?” Steve asks, holding up three boxes of macaroni and cheese.

“Of course.” You turn off the faucet and dry your hands. “Want me to make them for you?”

The look he gives you can only be described as ‘pissy.’ Someone on the outside might describe it as ‘disapproving’ but you know him too well for that. “I can make macaroni and cheese.”

“Since when? I gotta see this.” You hop up on the counter and lean over to watch. “Big pot is in the cabinet right there.”

“Thanks,” he says dryly and goes about filling it up with water so it can start boiling. As he’s getting the milk and butter together, something occurs to you.

“Hey,” you say. “I could have been offering to make it for you because that’s what a good host does.”

“That’s not why you offered though.” Steve winks at you and wow. That’s so much worse/better than the emojis he sends you. Worse than that: that’s all you’re going to see in his texts from now on.

“How did you know?” You turn your head to watch the pot.

“Because I know you,” he says. Fondly. You’re sure of that part; the real question is: fond like fond-of-a-friend, or fond like getting-fonder fond?

“Well it’s not out of bounds for me to assume you don’t know how to cook. Popular media tells me all New Yorkers only have a fridge, a microwave, and maybe one counter to store their take-out menus on.”

“Well I have a fridge, a microwave, an oven, and two counters,” Steve says and pours the pasta into the pot. “One for the take-out menus, and one for food.”

“Fancy,” you ‘gasp’ in awe.

“You don’t remember it?” He turns his head to look at you but keeps stirring.

“I’ve never been to your place,” you say. “I’m not part of that cool kids club.”

Steve’s smile is a little sad– like he’s thinking about that club. You wince. “How’s it…going?” you ask, even though you’re afraid to.

“Better. I’m…I’m making progress.” He looks at the pot. “Sorry but I think it’s safer if you don’t know the details.”

“It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re being safe about it,” you say and scoot over as he comes to the sink to drain the pot.

“Like you said, I’m all they have.” Steve sets the bowl of pasta sans water in the empty sink and turns to you. He moves his hand to your other side and puts it on the counter right next to your thigh. Your stomach flips but you barely get to freak out about that when he moves his face incredibly close to yours.

“Thanks again,” he says. “For letting me stay here.”

“Anytime,” you say before you can think about it. It’s still true, at least. But Steve stays there, and stays there, and stays, but does nothing and shows no sign of doing anything. Which is…

…the right thing. Much as it hurts you to admit it. Steve is alone and scared and you are not going to take advantage, even despite the overwhelming temptation. You lean back. “You should, uh…”

He blinks and jerks back. “Right– right.”

“Before the, um…”

“Yes, thanks.” Steve goes back to making his dinner but shoots you a relieved smile over his shoulder. It’s disappointing to be so close to something and have to let it go, but you’re starting to think…maybe he’s more receptive than you previously believed. Maybe after all of this is over you’ll see if he’s as interested in you as you are in him.

Or maybe you’ll just…continue to stare from afar. And aclose. It’s a toss-up.

Though the next day you find yourself struggling with the idea of letting him go. He had insisted he rested enough and needs to head out, which is why you’re sitting in your car at the airport drop-off, currently scrambling for excuses to make him stay.

He doesn’t leave right away either. Though he does sigh and say, “I should go before the, uh, officer gets back.”

“That guy’s a dick,” you mutter. But when Steve unbelts and opens the door, you catch his arm before he’s out of reach. “Be…be safe.”

“I will.” He puts his hand over yours and lingers.

Until a loud ‘whoop!’ of a police car makes him slide it away and he gets out, grabs his bag, and disappears into the mill of travelers.

You drive away, already settling in to wait on the edge until he comes back.

A few days later you’re just getting up, shuffling to get ready for work, when you pass by the guest room and stop suddenly. Steve is lying face down on the bed, sleeping soundly, wearing only his pants. His back is covered in fading purple and the curves of his muscles catch your eyes for only a moment before you focus on those bruises, the stray cuts and small trails of dried blood that he couldn’t quite reach with the damp rag that now sits on the floor just under his dangling fingers.

You sigh and shamble back to your room to call out sick for the day.

“Ow!”

“Stop being such a baby.” You dab the area with a dry cloth. “You walked and talked with a broken clavicle; this does not hurt that bad.”

“I told you, I heal fine on my own.” Steve holds up his arm. “See? This one already closed up.”

“Great; so infection sneaks in and gets sealed in fast.”

“And then eliminated by the serum.”

You hit him with the washcloth but he leans back and laughs. You smile too, despite what a child he’s been. How can you not, when he manages to be light incarnate despite everything going on? His smile dims, but that’s reasonable. You’ve never minded his shadows, anyway.

“I know you’re a liar,” you say and gently wipe away the rest of the blood from his shoulder. “I have a patch of wet carpet from your own attempt to do this that will testify.”

He rolls his eyes. “I already apologized for that.”

“Steve. It’s not about the carpet.” You put your hand down, still holding the rag. “It’s okay to…get help, you know?”

“You help a lot.” He puts his hand on yours, and wraps his long fingers around. His eyes are…so blue, it’s almost unreal. He squeezes your hand and water from the cloth drips to the floor, but it sounds distant. You can’t look away from him. Even more so when Steve licks his lips. “I…in case something happ–”

His phone trills three times and Steve jumps up so fast he almost knocks you over. He catches you with one hand, apologizes, and runs over to check it. After staring at the screen for a few tense seconds, he inhales sharply. “I have to go.”

You throw the rag onto the table and wipe your hand on your pants. “Do you need a ride?”

“I got it; it’s probably safer if you’re not with me right now,” Steve says as he taps out something in his phone. He darts up the stairs without another word.

You barely get to clean up before he’s rushing back down, dressed, with his bag on his shoulder. You stand to toss a ‘be safe!’ at him as he inevitably runs out, but find yourself face-to-face with him. He grabs your shoulders to steady you. “When I get back,” he says, “I have something to tell you.”

“O…kay?” You can’t imagine what he has to tell you that he can’t do it right now, but it’s a good assurance nonetheless. “Don’t make me wait too long.”

He smiles. “I won't,” he promises, pulls his hat low, and slips out.

Only a couple of nights later you wake up to a large shadowed figure standing just outside your bedroom door.

“Steve?” You yawn. “Are you okay?”

“So, the captain is staying here.”

The unfamiliar voice wakes you up better than an espresso injection and you jolt up only to stare at a shadowed figure holding something out. You know what it is when you see it glint in a sliver of moonlight.

“Do not move. Do not scream.”

You clutch the blanket in a tight fist. You obey, and hope that he won't shoot you.

“Where is Captain America?”

“I don’t know,” you whisper.

“I have no patience for liars,” he says and steps forward.

“I’m– I’m not lying!” You scoot back as far as you can. “He doesn’t tell me and I– I don’t ask.”

“Hm.” He’s silent for a few seconds, during which you make a conscious effort to breathe quietly. “So you are useless, then.”

The gun clicks and you freeze. At this angle there’s no way to get cover and you don’t know if your petrified body can move anyway. Still, you try and you roll out of bed. The shot is loud and you can feel bits of plaster hit your back as you hit the floor.

“STAY DOWN!”

Steve. You curl into a ball as shots fire and something smashes into your walls. It’s cacophonous, but quick– the noise ends, though your ears keep ringing, and when heavy boots rush at you, you curl up tighter.

“Hey, it’s all right,” a kind voice says. “I’m Sam Wilson and I’m gonna help you up. Are you hurt?”

“No,” you say but as you stand you wince at a stinging cut in your back. You try not to focus too hard on the rampant destruction of your room. You’re alive, at least.

The shock is enough that you’re at the bottom of the stairs when you blurt out, “Steve,” and look around. “I heard him; where– is he oka–”

“Easy,” Sam says and leads you to the couch. “He’s fine; just rounding up some stragglers.”

“Okay,” you breathe, but there’s that pain again.

“I recognize that face.” Sam pulls out a small bag. “Where’s it hurt?”

Sam takes care of you and you try not to worry about how long it’s taking Steve to track down ‘stragglers.’ But it’s not easy to relax after a wake up like that. Or when a red-headed assassin and her blond partner are watching you like hawks. Well, one hawk. You’re more worried about the Black Widow.

“There.” Sam pulls the edge of your top back down, returning to you some modicum of dignity. “Doesn’t even need stitches.”

“Thank you,” you say and blink away sleep.

“So…” Nata– Black Widow and Hawkeye walk over to sit and stand in front of you, respectively. “How do you know Steve?”

“Um…” You know Steve never told them, but it doesn’t feel like your place. What should you say? “I–”

Your name is called by a comfortingly familiar voice and you get to your feet as he rushes in the back door, Bucky at his heels. Steve’s suit is a little dirty and his hair is messed up, but he looks fine.

You breathe for what feels like the first time as he strides up to you. “St–”

Warm.

Steve’s lips are very warm.

You know this because they are very on your lips.

As soon as you make this realization, you snap to– and you wrap your arms around him and open your mouth to his. Steve responds immediately, slipping his tongue in and holding you as close as he possibly can without breaking your back. Not that it matters, because you’re dead. You have to be. You’re dead and in some fabulous afterlife, or you’re dying and hallucinating, because this can’t really be happening.

Can it?

You both break apart, (well, at face level at least), gasping for air. You lick your lips. “That was…new.”

You’re so close to him you can practically feel his cheeks radiate warmth when he blushes. “I’m sorry, I…” He hugs you tight. “I can’t believe I almost lost you.”

You’re content to stay in his arms forever, but pointed coughing makes you recognize other people are in the room. Steve practically leaps away from you, which is fair, considering just how amused his friends are and, okay, this isn’t the first impression you would have wanted to make on his friends, but you find it hard to be upset considering Steve just kissed you.

“I cannot believe you kept this a secret from your best friend,” Bucky says, placing a hand over his heart, but he’s grinning. You know well enough from the stories Steve has told you that poor Steve is never going to get to live this down.

“How do you know he didn’t tell me about it?” Sam says. Bucky shoves him, and they start to bicker. Steve puts a hand to his face.

“I didn’t know.”

Natasha’s words still the room. She’s vaguely impressed, but…

“Successfully keeping a secret from the Black Widow.” You squint at Steve. “Is that something that goes on your resume or your tombstone?”

Steve and some of the others laugh and you feel a little less on edge. Just a little. But they talk to each other, and Steve uses the opportunity to pull you into the kitchen.

“Are you sure you’re all right?” he says, eyes darting and head moving as he looks over every inch of you.

“Fucking hell, Steve, take me to dinner first,” you blurt out, and he blushes.

But he says, “I’d like that.”

You blink. “You would?”

“Yes.” He moves in closer. “And we’ll talk about this.”

You lick your lips. “We will?”

“Yeah. Later. For now…” He pulls you into a kiss. And follows it up with even more.

Later, then.

You have plenty of time.

[acuppellarp]

Welcome (back!) to A Cup-pella, Jeanne! We’re excited to have you and Lacey Mikhailov in the game! Please go through the checklist to make sure you’re ready to go and send in your account within the next 24 hours. 

OOC INFO

Name + pronouns: Jeanne, She/Her Age: 25 Timezone: EST Ships: /Chemistry Anti-Ships: /Forced

IC INFO

Full Name: Lacey Renee Mikhailov Face Claim: Abigail Cowen Age/Birthday: 23, October 30th Occupation: Baker at Snickerdoodle’s Bakery, cheerleader for April’s Showers Personality: Generous, stubborn, guarded, sheltered, ambitious Hometown: Sandusky, OH Bio:

Take one part warm Ohio summer nights spent chasing fireflies through wide open feels, two parts Sunday church services, three parts abandonment issues, and one part good, traditional Russian cooking, and you have the recipe for Lacey Mikhailov’s childhood. While she won’t go into too many details if asked about it, she likes to tell people that her youth was everything she could’ve hoped for, and to an extent that’s true. Would she have liked to have a mother who was present rather than someone who spent every opportunity away from home? She absolutely would have. But when Brenda Mikhailov got pregnant young by a man she met in a fit of passion one night, it laid the groundwork for what would be Lacey’s life spent with her grandfather as her source of emotional and physical support.

There was never an official discussion about Ilya raising Lacey full-time; it just sort of gradually happened. Brenda asked him to babysit for a day and it ended up being the whole weekend. She said she would take Lacey to her doctor’s appointment, and then call up Ilya last minute to say she couldn’t and he would have to. By the time Lacey started school, it was automatically assumed that her grandfather would be the one to sign her up and take her to her first day, something he did with a giant smile and about three dozen photos snapped and added to a scrapbook that’s still sitting on Lacey’s bookshelf to this day. When Brenda told Ilya that she wanted to “see the world” and move out of state later that year, there wasn’t even a question on if Lacey would be going with her or not. Brenda packed her bags and gave her daughter and father a hug, and then drove off without seemingly any second thought.

Despite growing up outside of the traditional nuclear family unit, Lacey didn’t want for anything. She never knew Brenda as her mother, so her loss didn’t sting much during childhood. Ilya wouldn’t let it. Instead, he would spend their time after he got off of work and she got home from school in the kitchen, showing Lacey how to sift flour and press dough to her heart’s content. Back in Russia, he’d been a baker by trade, and watching his granddaughter fall in love with it was nothing short of beautiful. Lacey always insisted on making homemade treats for her school’s Halloween and Christmas parties, and that’s when she came to love the expression on people’s faces when they first tried her creations.

When she as in middle school, her aunt Dory moved in to give Ilya a hand raising Lacey, and the three of them became a family that was thick as thieves. Ilya and Dory were at every science fair, church program, and poorly-played volleyball match of Lacey’s life and she couldn’t imagine it any other way. Last she heard, her mother had settled somewhere in Washington where she married and had three replacement kids whom Lacey has never met. She doesn’t even know if her step-father or half-siblings know she exists, but she tries not to think about it too much. If you ask her, she drew the best lot in life. She would express to her Aunt Dory (not her grandfather, never her grandfather — the last thing she would want is for him to think he was anything less than amazing) about how it hurt to think about her biological mother not wanting her, something that is still painful to think about even now that Lacey has grown. Dory would assure her that it was entirely Brenda’s loss, but that has never completely dulled the ache.

Losing Ilya was painful, but not entirely unexpected. Lacey was in her junior year of college at the time, earning an obligatory business degree in the hopes of one day opening her own bakery. Saying good-bye to the person who taught her everything she knew definitely left her feeling lost, and she wound up taking the following semester off of school because she simply didn’t have the capacity to give it the focus it deserved. To this day four years later, she still doesn’t really know what compelled her to go to New York in the first place. She’d talked it over with her family and friends, idly wondering if maybe a change of scenery would do her some good, and before she knew it her and her aunt were looking at flights for the East Coast.

It was originally meant to just be a vacation for the two of them, to help set a new pace now that her and Dory were learning to cope. But it’s like as soon as the plane touched down in the city, Lacey felt at home. They were only there for a week and a half, hitting up the city’s tourist traps as well as tracking down some little hole-in-the-wall places. Still, within the span of a few days after returning home to Sandusky, Lacey told her aunt she wanted to move out there for real. By the end of the year, Lacey found herself settling into the city, feeling both terrified and unbelievably proud all at once. Her grandfather had always told her to never hold herself back and being inNew York felt like the ultimate testament to that.

She finished up her last year of classes online and earned herself a degree in business, and was able to soon find a job at a bakery that her and her aunt had stopped by during her first visit. Currently, Lacey’s biggest source of pride has come from introducing a few recipes taught to her by he grandfather into the small business, which now offers a select range of Russian desserts courtesy of her. The next step is to actually invest in her own business, the same goal she’s had since she was little. Lacey’s vision board is filled with photos and inspiration to keep her focused on that goal, and every last bit of money goes into an account to help her get her feet off the ground.

Pets: Two cats with her, plus two more living with her aunt back in Ohio. The little babes in Ohio (Peanut Butter, or PB, and Jelly) were much too attached with her aunt’s dog and Lacey couldn’t bear to separate them. She adopted Eva and Zsa Zsa shortly after she moved to NYC. Zsa Zsa is definitely the more rambunctious of the two and likes to hide in places to spook Lacey (and now her roommates). Good luck opening a cabinet to not find her sitting in there. Eva is much more relaxed and introverted and likes to camp out on Lacey’s pillow, but she’ll wander out to ask for pets every so often.

Relationships:

April’s Growers — Lacey has an entire lifetime’s worth of love to give and was raised knowing the importance of giving back, so she recently signed up to join April’s little committee. She makes sure to give her fellow members nothing but support, but she does struggle when it comes to voicing her own ideas. She’s working on it though, and the more comfortable she becomes in the group, she hopes to be able to give it her all without hesitation.

Jemma Sterling — Coming from a small city, Lace way underestimated how much she’d be able to live by herself in New York. She was able to rent a room from a nice little Russian couple in Brighton Beach for a while, but ultimately decided to move closer to work and ended up finding a roommate in Jemma. She is… more than a bit intimidated by how open and free Jemma is with herself, and she’s seen more of her naked than she ever planned on, but Lacey can appreciate how to-the-point and amusing her roomie is.

April’s Showers Cheerleaders — Lacey loves spreading positivity and showering people with support, so when she first became aware of the little cheering squad for the soccer team, she jumped right in to join. She enjoys all the other ladies, and despite knowing almost nothing about sports, she’s trying to at least get to know them better and have them teach her the ins and outs of soccer.

EXTRA INFO

Lacey ♥ / mikhailacey/ Trying to save the world, one red velvet cake at a time 🍰🍪🍩 Five latest tweets:

@mikhailacey: When your aunt facetimes you just so you can say goodnight to your cats ♥♥♥ @mikhailacey: A little boy said I look like Princess Ariel today, no compliment will ever hold up @mikhailacey: Question for people who’ve ridden public NYC transport their whole lives: how? @mikhailacey: Is crimped hair still in style? Asking for a friend (read: me) @mikhailacey: I can bake marlenka in my sleep but I just burnt microwavable mac and cheese #sendhelp

[annashipper]

Belated Megapost - 09/04/18

Anna:  Sorry I’m so late in posting these, but I was away from Tumblr for a day and a half and this is what happens when I don’t empty my inbox.

~*~

Nonny Nr. 1:  "i'm fascinated by how many posts there are saying in effect, "this one did it for me, I no longer believe they have kids."--- sorry anon but where r u seeing this lol

Anna:  I thing it’s probably the fact that Ben and Weirdo seemingly left the pillows back in London to travel to Vermont for the Bunes’ wedding during Easter weekend (after leaving them back in London for a quick getaway to Finland on New Year’s Eve) and instead of rushing back, they took a detour to NYC to have dinner, go to the theatre, take a pap walk and then return back to London only because Ben had to be at the IW fan screening tonight Nonny.  Just a hunch as to why people who were on the fence are jumping over to the dark side.

~*~

Nonny Nr. 2:   Boy these two get vacations w out their kids every few months. I used to think that believing there were no kids was crazy and anytime I went that road I shook myself back, but I’m convinced these liars don’t have kids in their house. Unless as others have suggested there is something about them where they have been deemed unable to safely care for the two children themselves unsupervised there is no reason for constant vacations and time away.

Anna:  But ... but... but... sneaky pics at a restaurant, two pap walks for the price of one, and a night at the theatre for Ben.  The man has his priorities...

~*~

Nonny Nr. 3:   Maybe nonnies are right. I think the kids are real but maybe these two aren’t safe parents and can’t have them on their own. It sounds out there but they did sell one kids face to the media for an article calling Sophie pretty when they had an active stalker. Maybe they aren’t safe with children and can’t have them w out down third party present. That pic of Hal had other people in it. Maybe they can only be w them when someone is watching them

Anna:  Or maybe the man we saw next to Ben during Pilo 2.0′s Heath pap op was the baby’s father, and he was there to take him back home after the paps Ben seemed to be talking to in other pics from the set were done snapping pics.

Since you brought it up, remember when Sophie Hunter was craning her neck, smiling at the pap in NYC while her first born’s face was being photographed in HD (while presumably the whole family was terrified because of the Red Ribbon Stalker was tying ribbons around Ben’s flat) Nonny?  I do  :D

~*~

Nonny Nr. 4:   If Ben and she do ever split, and Ben wants to re marrying, I hope women keep this behaviour in mind. As far as everyone is concerned he has children and based on his behaviour he is a bad father. No one who is told to believe this parenting story of bens should ever allow him to father their children. He is not able to parent.

Anna:  At least he knows how to hold a baby safely, which is more than I can say about Sophie Hunter Nonny  ;o)

~*~

Nonny Nr. 5:   yeah, this is starting to get creepy. like legit creepy. the way these two constantly vacation w out their kids is creepy. i seriously think something is wrong w ben and sophie and that they probably are not mentally fit to be parents. i mean that. its too weird. a few dinners, fine. but the constant vacations and constant never being seen w the kids on a daily basis. something is up. i think the kids are real but i think ben can't actually have kids safely with him and sophie

Anna:  Like I told Nonny Nr. 4, at least Ben knows how to hold a baby safely.  The one time we saw Sophie Hunter hold one, she was carrying it like a sack of potatoes...

~*~

Nonny Nr. 6:   the fact that these two are vacationing away from their babies for every major holiday makes me thing someone else is raising them, and the few times that they supposedly had these kids out of frame were just visitations one at a time. i don't think the kids are in the house w ben and sophie anymore and no, suddenly seeing them w two kids won't convince me. there is some reason for the past few years they haven't been w them during major holidays and day to day

Anna:  Because both pillows are imaginary?

~*~

Nonny Nr. 7:   i believe chris was an oops on ppurpose by sh to trap ben, and then they just had hal cause ben figured he was stuck might as well make it work. they are only ever seen w one at a time. no major holidays w the family that we know of for some time ( the first one?), when they were w hal, there were people around that we joked were his real parents. he won't talk about them. what if the kids are being monitored by a third party, and these two can't be w them alone?   why else would they be on constant trips during the holidays w out them? the dinners and dates out i can undertand, but not seeing them arund town for years, add to that they seem to be free of the kids on holidays etc. im thinking the kids don't live w them full time

Anna:  What if the answer is much simpler and Sophie Hunter is not the exception to every rule of human gestation known to doctors and Harvey thought Weirdo had a grand idea at PSIFF and baiting the general public about an imaginary pregnancy would do the trick and get Ben loads of publicity?  What if when Ben lost the Golden Globe Harvey decided it was time to confirm speculation and Ben “drunkenly” sealed his fate at the after party?  What if the second pregnancy was Ben’s idea because he was desperate to convince people his totes for real, not PR stunt family was not imaginary?

~*~

Nonny Nr. 8:   This is off topic but did anyone else not get the ending of TCIT. If u got it can someone enlighten me lol

Anna:  Julie gives birth to the child that was conceived when Stephen visited her at her cottage (presumably the baby will grow up to be the boy Stephen sees in the train).  Stephen knows that Kate is still out there in the world, and will always be in their hearts.   Hope that helps Nonny  :o)

~*~

Nonny Nr. 9:   boutique productions is a meaningless title, like all her other titles. it just means people could potentially hire her for a specific production, and it appears no one is hiring her. like someone else said, no one labours on a work only to have it not seen and not make money. Nothing has been marketed or made public, no one has hired her to do anything. its just a way to explain away why she has not directed anything, no plays, no operas, nothing in a gallery, no theatre showcases

Anna:  That’s not true Nonny.  James Byng hired her to read letters to an unsuspecting audience.  But yeah, in all seriousness, the silence on the ‘new work from Opera Director extraordinaire Sophie Hunter’ front is defeaning...

~*~

Nonny Nr. 10:   theatre operator? great! which theatre? plus theatre operator could be anything. is she in charge of sched the shows that are played? 'cause that has a different title. is she the janitor?

Anna:  I’m guessing the Fail was just taking the piss Nonny.  Much like when they forget her name and call her Rachel.  Or Ophie.  Or Turner.  LINK

~*~

Nonny Nr. 11:   Got a question for anyone who might know. Did the tabloids pull those pics of BC with Hal because the were faked by 1) having a kid that was not his, or 2) did they detect tampering with the photo itself?

Anna:  It’s anyone’s guess Nonny.  All we know is that the Fail had bought the pap set and decided not to use it, going for a stock picture of him as Sherlock instead.  LINK and LINK

~*~

Nonny Nr. 12:   'What was the reason behind all the fluffing of Sophie Hunter’s CV?' My guess is that both parties agreed it was necessary. BC's side couldn't have a gf that had almost nothing to show to the public or that her work history was a bit of a disaster. Too embarrassing & the media would have started digging into her past as soon as she was introduced. So fluffing it is. Sofa's side: for the same reasons I mentioned above plus she might have demanded it to further her non existent career.

Anna:  She looked soooooo good on paper (at least until we started digging deeper) and it turned so bad so very fast with the first stomp off...   :o/

~*~

Nonny Nr. 13:   Today's question proves you are the master of understatement, Anna! Because 'fluffing' doesn't begin to describe the travesty that is Weirdo's CV. Lies, both blatant and subtle. Plagiarism and the claiming of credit she never earned ... it all goes far beyond fluffing. That doesn't even address the joke of "Wimbledon Spectator".

Anna:  I’m not as harsh when I’m well-rested Nonny   ;o)

~*~

Mess Anon:   Okay after hearing they also went to Sleep No More and the speakeasy afterwards, I might start teetering towards the fake kids camp. No one brings their kids with them overseas to have them stuck in a hotel room while they go shopping, go to plays, bars, and out to have a vegan meal. It’s one thing if you are a working trip, but another thing if you’re out doing multiple things for pleasure. The poor kids only got to go to a museum for an afternoon. SMDH!  Mess anon

Anna:  Mess Anon, I back excellent chocolate chip cookies.  Step on over to the dark side  :P

~*~

Anna:  To the Nans and Antis still sending me angry asks, I’m sorry, but I don’t feel like playing with my food today.  I’m sure you understand   :o)

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

If i had to pick an American Cookie that can be bought in the store today, hands down it would be this one.

Living in New Mexico for 20 years, i rarely see a black person. I can go 785 days without seeing an African American. Because i have.

So, it's shocking to go to Arkansas or even Oklahoma and see large groups of Black People and i stare. I don't forget they exist due to the internet.. But I never see them so it's like visiting Mount Rushmore or the Grand Canyon. Its this natural amazing marvel. And I just stare usually with my jaw dropped like some social retard. Which I'm not typically. And Hey -- I'm not the only New Mexican that does that shit. We simply have a serious minority of African Americans here. I understand places like Mississippi don't think they're a minority. But if i can leave my house every day and not see a African American, then you're a minority. Just as in higher areas of African American Domination, i like to call it, there isn't many Latina or Hispanic or Mexicans as there are here. In Mississippi, they're a minority and here they're all "bitch we rule this shit! We own New Mexico!"

So due to actual minority being true of African Americans (in the 90s i picked it because it was always claimed officially so I just accepted as NYC is a huge vast mix of all kinds of culture. I figured they actually went out and counted them. But i wanted to explain to those whom don't travel and don't experience life in other places in the United States.

So in the 90s the Harringtons and I and as he preferred to be called, Captain Negro, his super hero name. Captain Negro del ela Ponte if you wanted to get legal about it. Decided to pick an "American Cookie" we could easily purchase for Sunday nights. And of course it had to be absolutely perfect.

"Taste Great but Look the Part as Touched by a negros heart and soul" said Captain Negroponte as I called him or Captain Negro Party or Captain Negro Parte especially when i didn't know how to explain something.

I tell you. I've always been smart. Miss Leena always hides and plays dumb and just tells history. But to compare and contrast and make analogies i truly learned from this man whom was my English Compilation Teacher, a True Super Hero.

For the cookie experiment. I talked to Miss Leena but she wouldn't explain. She just gave me the type of cookie and told me I would know what to do.

William Harrington said, "I dont know to me a cookie is just a cookie and my wife makes them great!"

And Willingima. we called her, Harrington, at the (jokingly) threat of our own lives said she did not know either she just had to bake she had said as when quietly embroidered under the table a gift for the Captain Hero's family.

So he came over and we told him and his eyes lit up and he was bouncing around with excitement at the table. "So the cookies are.... But I sure don't know how to explain anything but the chocolate"

"Okay explain me"

I did

"And these are just regular old fashioned chocolate chip, not chocolate on chocolate dough or white chocolate chip?"

"I could ask miss leena but im sure it's the old fashioned."

"Lets call her"

She said that the Chocolate dough (black/dark brown dough) with white chocolate chips would be An African cookie -- for their culture here in America and in actually Africa.

So we were all at the phone all listening in, the phone turned all the way up. Now this is the 90s wall phone no speaker phone ability.

So Captain Negroponte told me back at the table, "so you know the old fashioned. Idk why she wouldn't explain the chocolate on chocolate because of the two different browns. But you know I'll stay out of it. I think i do know the sugar but let me just check. What did she say on the phone to you when she called?"

"Well she called just out of the blue. Asked for Sabrina and i thought she was asleep and so i said she was as she hadn't came down (stairs -- our bedrooms were up and i was just living there For the summer or however long until i had to go back to work into the city i moved out October 9, 1991 due to riots in Brooklyn because i had to go help as i spoke about this last week. Officially moved in July 4th of the same year) and she said and i quote "well just tell sabrina this, that i called and she needs to do a cookie experiment. A white old fashioned cookie of chocolate chip flavor and a sugar cookie. She should know what to do with all of your help" she sounded old and she said her husband wasn't home and she was just resting. So i said "well ill let you go" and she said no and wanted to know all about our enterprise feeding the Street neighborhood kids and asked about money and she said "well Sabrina can help" do you -- do you have money? I sure am tired of eating hot dogs myself. This is getting expensive! I mean for us"

I replied "i do have some... Ill talk to Steve to see what we should do and how much and the best way to go about this"

"No now you seem nervous and she said you have a lot"

"Billions" she said the same time I said "millions"

"And you said some.. You said what? What you got now hon?"

"You said I'm a billionaire and i wouldn't ever lie to anyone but Steve explained to me, hes my lawyer, he said that i needed not to explain how rich i am but if someone needed money I'm to say i only have one million dollars and that is it. And i said "but that is a lie!" And he said "but no it is not not when I'm not allowing you to give out more than thousands without my approval" and i was mad!!! But in the end i saw what Steve said i should see. Its dangerous to advertise how rich i am"

"Bull shit! We probably have the richest girl in the world here sitting at our table and im telling her to penny pinch! Babe! We're having steaks next week! Put that on the list!"

"I'll pay you guys all back!"

"No!" "No!" "No!"

"No. Yes i mean i know you all did it from the goodness of your hearts but you shouldn't suffer. And i didn't realize that you were. I mean i thought you just wanted to eat hot dogs. I didn't know there was any difference"

"Blah!"

"So what I'll do. Because Steve said I'm allowed up to thousands and you're still in hundreds last i checked. $991 for the last three weeks for the entire house budget. So I'll at least double that and give Captain Nero the same. For the time y'all have spent working and then what i meant i would have to talk to Steve is that I would have to design a plan for the future. What he's talked about is supplying a credit card with a limit capable of exceeding the design purchases. So like if you need $900,000 a month then the credit card would allow $1 million. That's what hes explained to me. Then he would supply 12 blank checks for the year then all you would do is call the number on the back of the card once monthly to find out the balance and get the address, write the check and then mail it to the credit card company. Easy as that. He would get the bills to look over to see you're not scamming me. Then he can stop payment on the rest of the checks if you are and cancel the card. That goes for everyone. So for this i think that is what he would pick. It sounds simple. Of course, I don't pay bills or anything like that. Steve always handles it for me. But I'll still have to talk to Steve to get that program under way. And I'll make sure he pays you and you and of course you for past supplies and your time"

So they agreed to the extra payment but wanted to do work free. Mrs Harrington got $15 per day for taking care of me. And still does although she doesn't take care of me anymore, her influence still lives within me and is what made me who I truly am today.

If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't ever asked criminals how they wanted their ending to be. I would have ripped them off the streets and tortured them one by one ripping off pieces of their body while injected with a chemical that made them highly alert and aware of what was happening. For 6 years and 600 days. Them never knowing when it would be the day to lose something they deemed important.

Instead of dungeons and torture chambers, they have a chance at luxury and happiness.

Those asking for death instead have a right to live in peace and make their amends and do as they need. The miserable are killed first to stop their pain and suffering. 72 wanted vacation before. They got that.

If it wasn't for the Harringtons and Captain Negro, never would that occurred.

They saved a wretch like me and in turn, I saved those worst than me. As Jesus would. She taught me all about the belief of Jesus and who they believed he was

Over Captain Harrington's right shoulder was a cross with me looking down or asleep. They eyes were closed. I felt it was the most accurate representation of me. It even had lumps on it's chest. And I always felt so much responsibility. She believed the Unorthodox Jewish ways with a Catholic overcoat. She was non-religious before marriage so she had a mix of views and dabble in all spirits of religion. Also, the occult.

So when her cheeks were pink and her bright blue eyes lit up, and she told me about Jesus. I always prayed to the Lord in Hevaen that I would live up to her expectations.

And often I would look at that cross and feel the thorns cutting into my forehead. "I hope we can do it. Change the world as expected" I would say.

There were times i would take it off the wall "i feel Jesus should watch some T.V., too" i didn't want to say who i was. Mrs Harrington thought i felt that crown of thorns because Jesus was telling me that i knew things and i should act. Of course I didn't really know who I was, either, at first. Mommy thought it was too much but Daddy told me and said I should keep it secret. But I could tell who or what I want. So I decided to honor mommy and not say. But incorporate Jesus since he was such a big part of Catholicism and decor in the house, daddy said that would make Jesus alive in the house and keep my secret. But allow my full powers to bloom.

And it worked.

So Captain Negroponte said that day that he kept getting questions from one particular kid as tall as me about White Supremacy and how his family taught him that all white people were bad and "only play with nigger kids" so he was certain he knew how to explain the white sugar cookie as long as i could do "the chocolate chip without fail then it would all be good and life would be perfect for this particular child"

"I can. I know just what to do. It will be perfect"

"Okay don't tell me. I dont want to hear until that day"

So he left with a bounce and his eyes glittery. His soul full of tears for this young man, looking back where he left all his hope and faith, walked down the short dark hall and into the sunlight of a cool brisk Saturday afternoon.

"Hey now i might need some help. I know i need to show the white dough and then how it tans when baked. I got that talking to her on the phone"

"Well she didn't say --"

"She said Bake. And i was transformed back into her kitchen and had a white plastic bowl which i put into the oven -- it was empty and out it came a clay not crystal like ours but ceramic Brown bowl with the white inside. So i know what to say about White people tanning to make 2 races so we all have to support the black"

"You you get!! So not all white people are the same!!! Good good!!"

"Shew! Thank you! So I was at the kitchen in the sink.. I mean -- i said that backwards -- so anyway I'm in the kitchen and i see the silver sink and the bowl appears before my eyes and suddenly im holding it in my hands and i went to hand the phone to you as i tried to hand the bowl to her in my standing hands and she didn't sound old like she did in the phone, she sounded very young and sing song. And she said "no the children" so what we have to do is give the bowl to each of the children and let them mix it themselves. That will help white supremacy in however that means. So then the black kids all add the chocolate chips. And then when we bake. That will represent the Muslims that i used to help when in was younger and who framed me to be as i am today. But the kids don't all know that so it will represent all the darker but lighter skin than black you know like Puerto Riccans and Vietnamese and Chinese and all those sorts of people and how the African Americans have inserted their "language" into us to make the world such an amazing place. Without them we wouldn't be the cookie we are today here in 1991. Isn't that right, Jesus?"

"Oh don't look at him so harsh. What do you need me to do?"

"Bake the cookies. At the start we will mix then he will tell a story then we will do the baking. We can do two days in a row or we can help you here in the kitchen. Megan and i can take turns like we always do and so if we wanted to spread the word for two weeks since its getting so cold, we can start in the afternoon instead of dusk. And do the two different cookies the same time -- No i mean in the ssme day"

"Okay that could work. We will just let Captain Nero know and I'm sure he could come up with two great stories to pass the time. And you will pay?"

"Oh yes. Yes of course. And when I talk to Steve I'll ensure Miss Harriet Tubman is getting her cut although she always paid on her own and said she was on solid woman and could make it doing all she pleased, her husband is still working. But he's a police sergeant so I know its not for money. But she could buy her something nice with his pension."

"Pension?"

"Oh he has two. He works a lot. One thinks she's like 80 and the other 102 or 103 i think it is. So one will be cut surely i assume. She said she doesn't think she can make it to 120 without them getting onto her"

"And his paycheck?"

"Oh he donates it to science. They own their own trailer and car and BBQ"

"BBQ?"

"BBQ Grill. Of course though if i gave her money she would probably just clothes the whole entire neighborhood. I'll ask Steve if thats what she wants or that i could do. She said that was the only thing she had left in life to apply for. I guess she always knew i had money thats why she gave me the evil eye. She always provides them gloves in the winter -- except she buys them in the summer when they're cheaper and puts them in a box to save them till it gets cold again. I tell you. She is smart. So about these sugar cookies. I sure hope it works. It seems the opposite of what we set out to do. All white with beautiful crystals on top. She said to make them look so worthwhile and be as perfect as possible..."

So while the White Supremacist cookie is after all just a cookie that we used to explain to a child that was deeply courageous to learn more and actually educated his parents and they hugged me with forgiveness, myself being white.

I have explained the example. And to further educate, the Sugar Cookie in all other reality when not used for a demonstrations, is just a cookie we bake when we have no other additives.

But as Captain Negro (you may call him Captain Nero as Mrs Harrington would as she refused to "see" any color other than the colors of the rainbow") explained we should always try to find something good to add to something that is empty of extras. Be it fruit from like the Garden of Eden or be it nuts or seeds like Big Bird from Sesame Street, prefers, we should always fill our life and our cookies with as much goodness as possible. But some days, he said, some days its okay to have just a plain ole bit of sugar. As long as it's full of love and not hate.

So please do enjoy your plain white sugar cookies that are made with love. Black Panthers nor "all" white people do not encourage prejudice -- even if it's just against a cookie.

God bless us.

So we picked for our "American Cookie" the cookie below: because of the way it looks and the way it tastes. I encourage you to buy some today. As you can see the chocolate chips are hidden just as African American Heritage is hidden. And when we take a bite a beautiful explosion of chocolate erupts and elivenes our spirits.

And to top the cookie off, all of this occurs inside. Hidden away. Just like our souls are.

Thank you for listening. If these people could touch you just one percent how much they changed my life and gave me love and education and pride and so much faith in other people. Then you will be so better off

I hope you allow them to touch your souls.

Now here is the cookie you all have been waiting for:

We would laugh. And call it the "Soft Bitch" we may be going hard and fighting loud but we always have time for a tear, a hand to hold, a face to hug.

Because this is The United States of America. And she ain't all that bad. Not her citizens. Her government. Yes. But her citizens are blessed by her rich history of which she had no control over.

The American Cookie. A brown cookie, like a white person tans with perfect pieces of Black African American heart and soul baked in. Cookies of the United States of America. I always called them "American Cookies" We even had kids sit and mix up chocolate chip dough from scratch, each child getting to mix and have an ingredient added while they mixed. They all got to see the raw dough was White. Then They were baked with love by Momma Harrington and they came out tan. Like white people do in the sun. So they could see for certain how the African American were and are in the souls and minds of white people. And how without the African American pieces of love they were not complete. To prove this we made cookies without the chips and they were bland. "But What about White Supremacy? Because that was just America without us. But What about how they think?" I was asked. "I guess we could try Sugar Cookies then and see what happens. So we made beautiful sugar cookies with sugar crystals on top. Thank God our Black Panther Leader knew the words because i was at a loss.

"We all mixed and made those cookies. We saw what was in them! Sugar! We made them appeasing to the eye and different looking and more special looking than an old Chocolate Chip with those crystals. But those crystals?!? They ain't nothing. We got them in chocolate chip and that is all they put in the White Mass cookies. Then we sprinkled a little on top to make them look clean and beautiful like a real treasure. But the Treasure is Truth!!! They're missing the real thing! Sure they look beautiful especially in the sun, the crystals reflecting the lights all over but those crystals are Blinding us to the Truth!!! They are all a fraud!! But go ahead, eat them. I would too. White supremacist and all. Now let's growl!!"

Reminder Established in 1991:

Miss Leena has a different fund called ""Harriet Tubman's Self Worth Working Still Today" and she has 778 users of my funds whom also feed the people of their neighborhood and streets. They do collard greens, steak and potatoes soup daily. Saturday and Sunday add hot dogs and Sunday Morning they do their African American Heritage Stories. Of course 68% are certified Black Panthers as well but no one has to pledge to an organization to feed children with love m they just follow their hearts.

The account labeled "Black Panther Food Allocation - For the Street Kids" 962 people across the globe do this on their personal streets nightly. Feed kids collard greens, hot dogs and/or hamburgers (with cheese and iceberg lettuce, tomato, onions, relish and so on). And on Sundays tell the stories of Black American Leaders that intended to destroy prejudice and mistreatment and succeeded and the listeners all get cookies.

Of course I bought the secret Cookie to represent our Nation. The United States of America.

The United States was founded officially on July 4, 1776.

Due to this i requested our policy be to employ no more than 77% of African American and no less than 76% the remaining percent be of at least 4 different shades of white.

We start at $18 per hour as that is the adult age in the USA to represent freedom. We employ 2020 in each factory setting arena.

Then we changed the recipe, to take out the lumps. To promise a better and smoother future for all.

The Original cookie to represent the past is gone is pictured on the box as well as an elf. It is not misrepresentation of what is inside, unless you expected to find an elf as well. In no way is there any identifying words that says that is the what the cookie looks like inside. But it is the Original cookie artwork packaging as i bought it in 1991.

We have been sued over the artwork not representing the contents. Once i sued myself and won. I got good game. Y'all. Persuaded everyone to see it my way! It was a mock trial. And so it was to prepare for a real trial which did occur and we did win. We simply told the truth of our packaging and said we were not ready to reveal it. It was 2007 and we hadn't done a full reveal since 1991 and so why not leave us alone as we couldn't promise the change?!?!

We did word of mouth and some soft T.V. programming to indicate it. But never The full storey as I have today in pulic.

So again here is the Original cookie it did actually look like but did crumble more -- we kept that chocolate chip explosion. But bake them twice to have an outer coating of smoothness.

[courtreadsmostlyfiction]

Best books of 2019

I read 179 books in 2019 (and finished the 179th, The Handmaid’s Tale, on 12/31, so I can watch the series and read The Testaments). This is the most I’ve ever read in one year (in 2018, I read 173). I was sharing this update with my grandmother, and she asked me if my goal was to read as many books as possible. I thought about it for a bit, and it’s not but it is? I told her how I knew I only had so many books I’d get to read in a lifetime, and I probably think about that fact too much. I don’t want to read just for quantity’s sake, yet I know that I find some of the best books because I have an insatiable appetite for reading. Too many books, too little (life)time.

I also read instead of watching TV (generally), and love when I’m reading something that pulls me away from social media. I love reading when Grant is reading next to me (on the couch, in bed, across from me at a restaurant on an introvert date).

And last but not least, books have saved my life before many times, and making time for reading helps keep me sane. 

...now onto our program - my favorite books of the year! This year I also blogged more, if not *regularly*, so some of the books below were suggested before. If you got my Christmas card, some of these might not be surprises, either, since we had the fun idea of listing our family member’s favorite books. Some of mine are different, though, since I had to have that done in early December, and there was so much good reading time left in the year! I went on holiday break on the 17th and had saved a lot of good books for my vacation.

TOP ELEVEN (I wrote about all except the last three -- thanks December reading for those books that made this list! -- in previous posts, so will try to capture in one sentence why you might want to pick it up): 

Good Talk (graphic memoir) - I bought my copy at The Strand, and have bought at least 10 copies to give to friends who are parenting in the age of Trump.

(posting this pic to prove my point, even though I’ll likely get shit from Grant about our Amazon bill)

The Most Fun We Ever Had (literary fiction) - a book with a dysfunctional family (yes, please!) and a character who cusses a lot PLUS a ginkgo biloba tree.

Fleishman Is In Trouble (literary fiction) - I want to reread this, and I rarely reread things; a rare 5-star rating from me that made me think about how I participate in misogyny without even realizing it.

Speak No Evil (literary fiction) - a queer, black immigrant high schooler in DC grapples with his identity.

The Nickel Boys (literary fiction) - a fictionalized story of real history: a disciplinary school in Florida where black boys are sent (and often “disappear”); the ending had me crying. (Also on Obama’s list of his fave reads of 2019)

Red, White & Royal Blue (romance) - more romance with bi relationships and politics, please!

Educated (non-fiction, memoir) - it wasn’t what I expected at all, I couldn’t put it down, and ultimately I think it’s about surviving.

Heads of the Colored People (short stories) - stories (and usually I hate short stories) about black identity that I’m STILL thinking about.

Disappearing Earth (mystery) - this was on so many best of lists (including the NYTimes top TEN for the year), and the hard cover had been sitting on my shelf for two long. I had it first on my read-during-winter-break list. As soon as I read two pages, I was sucked in. Two young sisters disappear in Russia’s Far East, and then the story unfolds, told by the perspectives of folks directly and indirectly connected to the crime. 

All This Could Be Yours (literary fiction) - I requested this at the library before it even had a cover :) because I’m a Jami Attenberg fan. A dysfunctional family’s patriarch is dying, and his son and daughter are called to his bedside, where the whole family grapples with his life of crime and abuse.

Juliet Takes A Breath (YA) - Juliet (Nuyorican lesbian) gets a coveted internship with hippy, white feminist author, and white feminism rears it’s ugly head.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: 

Nothing To See Here (literary fiction) - one time, a guy in Chicago had a job at a newspaper where he was the Biblioracle and he would recommend books to folks who wrote in if you told him favorites and what you read recently. 1) I need that job! and 2) he recommended Kevin Wilson’s The Family Fang to me, and I loved it. I was excited to read this, and it felt like such a real representative of politics and friendship even though people literally burst into flames.

The River (literary fiction / mystery) - in Grant’s top 5 of the year, and one of my favorite Peter Heller books (which is saying something, since I loved The Dog Stars and Celine). Two high school boys go for a graduation trip in the boundary waters, and there’s a brushfire growing and possibly a woman missing.

The Chain (thriller) - I keep picking up thrillers that people swear are the next Gone Girl or even better, and nothing is. This didn’t make my top ten, but if you want a page turner with a twist and also think about the banality of evil and what you might or might not do, try this.

Royal Holiday (romance) - Jasmine Guillory is always on point! I couldn’t even save this for Christmas reading!* A personal stylist gets to go to England to style the Meghan Markle (shout out to Suits!) fictionalized equivalent, and her mom goes along and finds romance. 

Intercepted, Fumbled, Blitzed (romance series) - have you read all of Jasmine Guillory? Pick up Alexa Martin next! It’s funny and captures the nuance of being a football fan or former football fan; the book doesn’t deny how it exploits men of color or the traumatic brain injuries. 

They Called Us Enemy (graphic memoir) - I don’t think that I would have ever picked up a graphic memoir if I didn’t already love Mira Jacobs (see Good Talk, above) and George Takei (LOVE him on facebook) already. Now I might seek them out. It’s George’s story of the Japanese internment camps that America likes to not remember.

Slay (YA) - Q: Do you need a YA version of Ready Player One written by a black woman? A: YES! After all of the racism she experiences in gaming, a black high schooler creates a video game only for black folks. No one knows she’s the creator. When a young kid is killed supposedly due to the game, she faces being revealed and wonders what she created.

The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali (YA) - I couldn’t put this book down; it’s about a young, queer Muslim woman whose parents want to marry her off. It’s never the right time to come out, and when they find out unexpectedly, she’s sent off to Bangladesh.

Heaven, My Home (mystery) - The follow up to Bluebird, Bluebird, and just as wonderful. Black Texas Ranger Darren Matthews is back, and is tasked with finding a missing 9 year-old boy from a white supremacist family.

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed (non-fiction) - I asked my therapist if she had read this, but she hadn’t yet. She did tell me that she sees a therapist, though. Reading this (and hearing that) made me feel less alone and less crazy. It’s also pretty funny. (AND you know I don’t like non-fiction!!!)

What My Mother and I Don’t Talk About (non-fiction, essays) 

Southernmost (rural fiction) - did I just make up a genre? Yes! If you liked Plainsong or anything by Kent Haruf (and if you don’t know what I’m talking about, read that instead), I think you’d like this. A rural town, where a preacher decides not to turn his back on a gay couple, and then faces the consequences. I found it thoughtful, nuanced, and real. 

The View from Penthouse B (light fiction) - hmm, can’t stop making up genres! This is witty and well written, and I think is the book equivalent of a warm bath. I loved these sisters who end up living together in an NYC penthouse (the sister who owns it: separated from her scandal-ridden husband and lost her fortune in a Madoff-like ponzi scheme, and the sister who moves in is fairly recently widowed and everyone but her is ready for her to get over it).

Daisy Jones & The Six (historical fiction) - I think this was Grant’s favorite of the year, and it was definitely in the top 5. I loved it, too. It felt like the book version of Almost Famous.

American Spy (spy thriller) - it has so many things I’m looking for in a book all-in-one: excellent writing, fully developed characters, and moving plot. The premise is a black woman in U.S. intelligence during the Cold War, and the book grapples with racism and sexism and patriotism and family. So good!

To Night Owl from Dogfish (middle grade fiction) - I picked this up because Meg Wolitzer is one of the authors (wrote The Interestings) and because I’ve seen it on so many (non-middle grade) lists. It didn’t disappoint! Q: Do you need an LGBTQ Parent Trap-like book in your life (A: Yes, obvs). Pick this one up! I will try to read it with Ox in a year or so.

WHEW!

In 2020, I’m hoping for more 5 star reads (only five in 2019 - Good Talk, Fleishman Is In Trouble, Educated, Speak No Evil, Heads of the Colored People), more mysteries to make this list (bonus if it’s a new series [or new-to-me series] I can get lost in), and that I find the time to paint more book covers.

BONUS MEME

*Gah this meme is me, but this is my blog, so whatevs! Also a lot of these memes, too, which I hadn’t seen before!

[kailasquires]

In Case You Missed It...2017 In a Nutshell

In 2017 I pulled a bit of a Disappearing Act, and deactivated most of my online and social media presence, which was already pretty limited to begin with. This was somewhat of a cleanse for me, as I gave up drinking alcohol and deleted my Instagram account for the entire year, and deactivated my Facebook for a large part of the year. I must say that life without drinking and excessive social media browsing has forced me to engage in alot more self-reflection and for that reason I’ve decided to re-introduce my blog. I tend to be a pretty private individual, but for my final activity in 2017 I wanted to be open and vulnerable.

There’s no real topic for this post, but it’s centered around personal life, career, faith and relationships. Instead of simply boring you with a long monologue, I’ve chosen to create a list of 50 things I experienced, learned or appreciated this year. I hope you enjoy. 

Top 50 List of 2017

1. There’s power in the tongue. Start speaking things into existence ! 2. Time is of the essence, so live your best life while you’re still alive 3. That being said, don’t try to rush things. God willing we have 70+ years on this Earth, and that’s a lot of time to fill with love, laughs, accomplishments, failures and new experiences 4. My year sober taught me to be bold, shoot my shot and take the things I wanted in life. Lesson Learned: If you need help with something, don’t hesitate to ask. If you want something, Go GET IT!  5. Don’t ever rely on another person for your happiness. If you haven’t found your happy place whilst being alone, that just means you haven’t spent enough quality time with yourself 6. My brother wins Dad of the year, and I’ll fight anyone on that 7. I love to receive and give feedback. If we’re not constantly improving ourselves, what’s the point of living? 8. Jesus was a servant, spreading love and salvation to all. In the end, The Word of God will ultimately judge us, so I’m making sure I’m aligned with His Word  9. The way to my heart is comedy and food 10. Maggie is one of the most resilient people I know. Keep shining SB!  11. Applying to business school was one of the most arduous, mentally draining and stressful processes of my life, but I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat :-) 12. Child rearing/parenting is one of the greatest responsibilities a person can undertake, and it often goes unappreciated or unnoticed. No parent is perfect, but it’s important to still say thanks to the ones who raised you. THANK YOU MOM & DAD!!! You did an incredible job with my brother & I  13. If a person de-prioritizes you, don’t get angry or question why. Instead respect their decision and repurpose your efforts elsewhere 14. MLT  is one of the greatest organizations I’ve ever been a part of. My MBA prep class is filled with impressively talented, accomplished and fun black and brown folks. I’m forever grateful for the experience I’ve had with you amazing people #BosslandAwaits #CoachJTaughtMe 15. I dated a man with whom things just seemed to click naturally. He was honest, funny, caring, and NOT petty(lol). I believe we both brought out a side of each other that those around us had never seen, and for that I’m thankful. Although this kind of puppy love is exciting and heart-warming it is often times short-lived 16. Chance the Rapper was my favorite artist of the year. He has a God given talent and I pray he never stops shining his light    17. Noise canceling headphones are the best thing to ever happen to a New Yorker who enjoys a quiet commute to and from work. #ThankYouBose 18. I believe in every single one of my friends wholeheartedly and am proud to say that I’m surrounded by incredible people who I am 100% certain will be the industry leaders of tomorrow #WholeTeamWinning 19. Fellas..When I love, I love DEEP and can be a bit crazy at times. Enter at your own risk. *evil smile* 20. But I’m hella fun and you’d have amazing life experiences with me lol 21. I should’ve bought Bitcoins back in the day when I kept telling people to invest. Note to self: Heed your own advice  22. Emotional Labor is real 23. Black women are Dope! 24. People who don’t fit the description in the above comment should NOT take offense to that. I’m sure you’re all amazing as well, I just think that this group of individuals needs to hear it more often. 25. When Isi tells you to wear a life jacket, DO IT!!! Thanks again for saving me from drowning off the coast of San Andres into the Caribbean Sea :-*  26. 🗣Life is too short to waste time dealing with fickle people  27. This scripture single-handedly helped me fight against all the angst I felt while applying to business schools:  “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” - Philippians 4: 6-7 28. I find it terribly rude when people don’t return phone calls or texts. Like I know you saw my message, the least you could do is say “ok” lol.  #PetPeeves 29. I held up an Uhaul distribution center over a disagreement and went on a twitter rant the next morning; Probably the most gangsta moment of my life, and a great showcase of my millennial sense of entitlement #SorryNotSorry 30. Everyone should engage in the self reflective, soul searching elements of the business school application process: it’s always necessary to press pause on life and take an inventory on where you are and where you say you’d like to be in the future  31. Bikram yoga was one of my favorite practices of the year. I always left feeling empowered and rejuvenated 32. I find inspiration in almost everyone I come in contact with. I’m amazed by people’s stories and wish we could publicly recognize everyday people more often. Low key, I wish I could meet every person in the world.  33. In hindsight, not getting my promotion at work in 2016 was the wake up call I needed to grab a hold of my life 34. I would love to work for Bain & Company in 2 years #SpeakingItIntoExistence 35. All Men Are Trash!!!!!!! 36. Good guys of the world, don’t take offense to the previous statement but with the rise of this #MeToo movement it’s become so apparent how many men impose their hypermasculinity upon us women (ie. inappropriate touching, unsolicited peen pics, street harassment etc.)  37. Barbados might actually be paradise, and it took me 26 years and a vacation with my friend to realize it. Moral of the story: some of the greatest treasures in life might be right in front of your eyes, you just need the right circumstance to help you see it  38. I love to see people smiling and enjoying nice hardy laughs 39. I tried Ramen for the first time this year and it blew my mind!!!! Gotta go to Japan ASAP! 40. Never trust when a man says “I can’t” because when he says I can’t, he ain’t a man. Okay maybe I stole this from Love & Basketball, but I’ve learned it’s so true though! lol   41. I want my next relationship to be God-centered. Period 42. Moving to Harlem has been incredible!! I love the culture, communal harmony and overall liveliness of the area. I can only imagine what the place was like during the Harlem Renaissance #RespectTheCulture 43. This year I limited my traveling to save money and focus on the GMAT, but I still was able to sneak in a few new cities: Budapest(Hungary), Salzbergen(Germany),Medellin(Colombia), Albuquerque, Tulsa and Greenville!  44. One of the best things about moving back to NY is being able to minister  at my home church again, as the resident saxophonist. I feel so much more fulfilled on Sunday mornings 45. This year i was determined to rid myself of gossip, idle talk, & foul language. I’m hoping to speak peace and prosperity into people’s life from now on #BuildingABetterMe 46. In a relationship, “women cannot go backwards in lifestyle” . Chris Rock taught me… 47. God has been too good to me to just sit on my gifts and talents. Laziness is far from Godliness. Disclaimer: This is not a direct quote from the Bible, just my own interpretation haha 48. This year I tried to be very intentional about the words I speak to myself and others. These days I find it’s so easy to say empty words, make & break promises and to be a “yes woman”. I’m hoping to be more genuine and true to my heart from now on 49. I’ve tried dating apps for a bit this year, and still think there’s nothing like meeting someone organically in a cafe or at a nice bashment. However, I can say there are some gems that are so hidden that you need to mine for them electronically ;-) #CoffeeMeetsBagel 50. By God’s Grace I was accepted into all 3 business schools that I applied to. Next year I’ll either be moving to Boston, Philly or Chicago. See you later NYC, I’ll be back in no time :) #WontHeDoIT

Thanks for listening. Peace n Love 

Kaila

[recentanimenews]

The 4 Biggest Differences Between Raising Pokémon And Digimon As Pets

  Sometimes, visiting your childhood home can be like an archaelogical excavation. You sift through the eras of your life, some embarrassing (Why did I own so many tropical print shirts? Why did I spend middle school dressed like a sixty-five-year-old dude vacationing in Beaufort, South Carolina?) and some baffling (What was I planning to do with all of those commemorative state quarters?) But sometimes, you find things that you immediately want to take back to the present with you. In my case, it was all of the little Pokémon stuff that I amassed as a kid: The KFC stuffed toys from the commercial that revealed that Colonel Sanders chose the Blue version...

    ...the many trading cards, the "How To Draw Pokémon" book from the book fair that I'd trace over and then tell all of my one friends that I drew it on my own, the falling apart Pokémon Red/Blue Prima strategy guide where the writer revealed in the first paragraph that Pokémon was consuming his life in a way that he never thought possible...

  ...and the Pikachu, Charmander and Meowth electronic toys that I got for Christmas one year, the first two saying their names and the last one speaking Japanese, which baffled me as a kid because I didn't know what anime was. But most importantly, I found the Pokémon Pikachu Virtual Pet, a little yellow device that's shaped to look like a Game Boy. And inside of it is a Pikachu that you can walk with and give gifts to. And after a quick battery replacement, I found that it still worked. 

  It was fate. Because, later this year, I also discovered the twentieth anniversary release of the Digimon Digivice Virtual Pets in a Gamestop. So, because I'd only ever raised Digimon in the video games and am terrible with money, I bought one. And now I have two tiny monsters that I can take care of. Why hang out with other people when I've got all the companionship I need right here:

    But I soon learned that there is a BIG difference between raising Pokémon and raising Digimon. For example...

  YOU DON'T WANT TO MAKE PIKACHU MAD

  Back in its early days, you could count on one thing with Pokémon: Pikachu HATES you. Sure, eventually you'll earn its respect through battling or risking your life for it, but at the beginning of the anime and in the Pokémon Yellow game, Pikachu begins its journey hoping that maybe you'll just release it or get lost and starve to death in Viridian Forest. That's one of the reasons why Pokémon: Let's Go was such an odd experience sometimes: Pikachu just unconditionally and immediately accepts you as soon as it meets you. It's the only time you'll ever hear me complain about "kids these days" having it too easy. Ugh, Generation Z with their TikTok and their memes and their Pokémon that LIKE them. 

  Luckily for me, I got the Pikachu of the late 90s in my virtual pet. Unluckily for me, Pikachu was very aware that I had not played with it since the Clinton Administration, and it was pissed. See, the Pokémon Pikachu also doubles as a pedometer which counts your steps. So while everyone else is wearing their FitBit, I'm rocking a Pikachu that absolutely can't stand me on my hip. But the more you step, the more points you can acquire. And you give those points to Pikachu as gifts, and Pikachu will do a little dance and grow more pleased with you. As it turns out, though, no matter how many points I amass on the treadmill, it probably won't make up for the two decades that my Pikachu spent in a desk drawer.

  Currently, it's got its back to me, which means that at least it's on the screen (It can actually leave you, forcing you to restart, or hide from you.) Meanwhile, my Agumon in the Digivice is much less fickle. It's pretty content as long as I feed it and train it and make sure that its battles don't kill it. Oh, and it likes it a lot when you pick up its poop. And it should, because...

  DIGIMON ARE ALWAYS POOPING

  A common feature of virtual pets is that you have to clean their droppings. It provides a cool life lesson for kids, teaching them to not take dumps on the floor all the time. But I did not know that Agumon, my sweet, simple lizard bro, would just crap, like, so much, y'all. I mean, all it eats is meat on the bone and protein vitamins, so it's not like it's getting too much fiber in its diet. It's pretty keto. But every time I switch it on to see if it's okay or has evolved, it's been pushed to the side of the little screen because its own habitat just can't handle how much it's pooping. 

  Meanwhile, Pikachu doesn't really go to the bathroom. It does have a bathroom though, as after it eats dinner and before it goes to bed (there's cute little animations for each), it brushes its teeth. So unless it's like one of those tiny NYC studio apartments where the landlord's like "Ya got a bed and a sink, so good luck with your butt," Pikachu does own a toilet. 

  So that's nice to note: Pokémon will clean up their business after they're done. Digimon will look to you and say "I have pooped four times. The walls are closing in. Help me, father." 

  PIKACHU IS WAY MORE STUBBORN WITH SCHEDULING

  Pikachu has a bit of a Type A personality - It likes its routine. Usually, in the middle of the day, if you shake the device, Pikachu will come marching in or sometimes ride a little scooter onto the screen. But if Pikachu is doing something, like eating or sleeping, shaking the device actually makes Pikachu less friendly toward you. You have to wait for Pikachu to finish its food before it even considers going on a walk with you. 

  Meanwhile, if you're like "Go back to bed, Agumon, you've been awake for four seconds," Agumon will do it. If you want to wake Agumon up to train for battle a dozen times, it's ready at all hours of the day. In fact, one of the only things that a Digimon isn't up for is that it won't eat anymore after it's full. After you've filled it with mutton and pills, it shakes its head "No," at which point you probably switch over to training with it for another hour.

  DIGIMON HAS A TON OF HIDDEN INTRICACIES

  One of my favorite things about Digimon games is their intricate approach to evolution. Sure, you could digivolve Dogmon now into BigDogmon. But, if you raise the friendship stat a bit, and level up some more, you could digivolve Dogmon into BigDogWithCannonsmon. I think it's awesome, and it carries over to the virtual pets.

  However, because they're virtual pets and showing more than three letters on the screen at one time would cause the device to explode, you don't get a lot of explanation as to how to do it. Like, my current Agumon could evolve into the classic Greymon, or, according to the Digimon wiki, one of six other monsters. So I could get a Seadramon, but because I haven't been taking notes, I will never know how.

  Meanwhile, Pikachu is perfectly content with being Pikachu and with being flippant with you. You'll never have to worry about finding a Thunder Stone or learning that it's been replaced with a Koffing or something. Instead, all you have to worry about is your best friend suddenly starting to hate you out of nowhere.

  And that's... better?

    Did you ever own either of these virtual pets? Let us know in the comments!

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  Daniel Dockery is a writer and editor for Crunchyroll. You should follow him on Twitter!

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com